Monday, December 31, 2007


I technically made some New Year's Resolutions yesterday while in church (what better time or place?), but I think that this blog is going to highlight some of the Middle 10 Things Of The Year. Yes, that's right - an awkwardly general, probably arbitrary Middle 10 List to round out the year of 2007. I say "Middle Ten" because it's unfair to order these things. They are not necessarily the top things, just significant things, or probably more appropriately, Random Things. (I wonder if humanity has this fear that if we don't make lists and reflections and goals at the end of a year, that the year never really happened...worth looking into.) In retrospect, Middle 10 doesn't even make sense now, because some of these things might possibly have a good run at the Top 10. This whole trying to sneak out of having to put these things in order isn't working too well for me. My list is now being shortened to:
TEN THINGS OF 2007 (not in any particular order, except that the numbers are decreasing for dramatic effect)
10. Radiohead offers their newest CD as a convenient download on their official website - for free. (Huh-whatzit?)
9. 200 pounds of ties. 50 gorgeous silk ones still in my possession.
8. TIME magazine's photo of Vladimir Putin. *shiver*
7. The ridiculously young Trail Blazers squad wins 13 games in a row and is in early playoff contention. Huzzah!
6. Mitt Romney's "Faith in America" speech, making me care about a politician for the first time in awhile.
5. I figure out What-In-The-Heck this Heroes TV show is and become, summarily, addicted.
4. Reading, at kamikaze pace, 20 works in four months, most of them being ridiculously ancient and translated, awkwardly, from foreign languages.
3. Writing a novel, and easing back into other writing endeavors after the mission as well.
2. Owning first cell phone - figuring out how to make your phone vibrate, how to craftily "miss" calls, and realizing that I'm leashed to a massive, enslaving communications network that gives no mercy.
1. Serving a mission - serving with great companions, meeting inspiring people, seeing inspiring and inspired things; the poverty of Palmview, the ruggedness of Laredo and the humility of Port Isabel, and the amazing people I met in all three places.

I think this list may be more aptly named "10 Things that Randomly Came Into My Head As I Thought For Like 30 Seconds About My Year." Now for the predictions:

10 THINGS OF 2008 (in reverse order that I came up with them)
10. Bare-minimum, three new comic book based movies will be introduced, based on characters that fewer than 15% of the population has ever heard of. 80% of the population will eventually see these movies.
9. Every season ever of every TV series ever will be available in box-sets of DVDs. Even seasons of shows that don't exist yet. (A Sub-Thing to this Thing is the incidental invention of time travel, of course.)
8. TV and Hollywood will SUCK until the writers start using physical force, launching orchestrated, dramatic offenses against main TV studios. Heroes of the battle will die in the midst of dramatic soliloquy. I am not making this up.
7. J.K. "Just Kidding" Rowling will reveal that the whole Dumbledore Being Gay Thing was really just a joke, but that Harry and Hermione have enjoyed a secret, between-the-lines-of-prose relationship over the past 7 books, unbeknown to the average reader. Oh, and that Voldemort is based on Dick Cheney.
6. Mike Huckabee, after losing the Republican primary, is going to announce that he's not going to suffer from a self-pity complex and go an a violent rampage, but he is going to pull out a gun and fire some bullets around randomly just to show us what would happen if he did.
5. Something incredibly important will happen in the Middle East, irrevocably impacting the international community for years to come. 10% of Americans will hear about it, 2% will understand what it means, and 1% will be able to pronounce the names of those involved.
4. The poor will get poorer, the rich will get richer, the super rich will get super-richer, and the middle class will get, if possible, middler.
3. China's economy becomes, suddenly, a MILLION times better than ours and they turn their factories into global weapons, raining lead poisoning down on the rest of us all and killing us slowly.
2. Britney Spears, jealous over the attention her little sister is getting, will dye her entire right arm bright orange. When that stops working, she'll get extensive plastic surgery on her face and create an eerie Everland Ranch, inviting small children over to visit.
1. The Mars Rover will find a big, black, sinister monolith. A little bit later, a big giant baby will appear in orbit of the earth, apologizing profusely for being 7 years late; Mapquest gave him a wrong turn entering the Milky Way.

Umm, also, in other news, Hamlet won the poll. Apparently, common opinion holds (out of 9 people who are actually 4 or 5) that Hamlet would beat Oedipus. They're wrong, of course. Anyway, I'll put up the new Official Poll of Awesomeness sometime soon.

Happy New Year, by the way.

1 comment:

John said...

Great post. I really enjoyed your random top tens.

Let's face it; people think that Mr. T could also take Oedipus. Mr. T pwned Oedipus hahaha.