Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Imagined Adventures at the ROTC Building

So yesterday at Olive Garden, our server was named Hutch. Afterward, we watched (as originally planned) Hitch. Coincidence?


In addition, I'm now working early-morning custodial in the Law building. Even though we start at 4:30 in the morning, we can't get everything done by the time students start showing up at 6:45. They all hunker down into their personal study carrels and decipher arcane texts. The building's usually pretty clean by itself without us. I suppose that law students are more responsible and clean.

I also help clean the ROTC building. By all that is good and worthwhile, I exclaim EGADS! What a study in contrasts! They've got airsoft pellets all over the hall floors, and they're astoundingly impressive at tracking outdoor elements into every nook of the building. Additionally, taking out the garbage is always an adventure. You would be amazed at what goes into America's finest: yogurt, McDonald's, popcorn, cereal, Chinese (the food, not the people), candy bars, donuts -- and that's just one little garbage can in one little personal office.

Because we clean the building from 4:30 to 7 and don't really see anybody come in, I have this visual expectation of all these Corporals and Lieutenants being giant stuffed slugs, not unlike military versions of Jabba the Hutt. This would explain the slime dragged up and down the stairs.

They've got all kinds of interesting things in that building. The basement has racks upon racks of airsoft weaponry. One guy has a TV and XBox set up in his office with stacks of video games nearby. Several guys have swords sittin' on their desks. Uh, good. It's a good thing they've always got one close by in case they get annoyed at the guy playing his XBox and they need to challenge him to a duel. Perhaps the swords are for picking orange chicken out of their teeth?

This morning one of these officers finally came in while I was still working. Extreme exclamations, Batman! I think the man was carved out of stone. He was tall, intimidating, and I'm pretty sure he could kill me by just winking at me if he wanted. I don't believe that he actually ate the things that ended up in his garbage. (Well, I guess that's why they're in the garbage.) You know what I mean. (Sure we do.) They must manhandle their underlings into devouring disgusting foods and putting the trash into their garbage cans. You know, to show up the guy in the office next door.

"Hey, so I see your garbage is only half-empty. You're probably only half of a man. What does that make you, huh? A 'ma?' An 'an?'"

And then they do battle, with swords. No wonder the place is so messy.


Heather said...

I'm glad that your job can still be entertaining even though it's super early in the morning.

Ella said...

I've decided that "ROTC" really stands for "Really Oblivious To Cleaning"

Peter V. Hilton said...

I'm still laughing.

But I think the asterisk at the top is the best part!